How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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