So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
