Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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