After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
