Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Holy shit dude........stairs
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
