he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
