no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
