Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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