You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
