accomplished twins. life is a go
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
