He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
