then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
