Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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