Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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