I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
