Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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