just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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