i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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