My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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