She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Fuck appropriateness.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize