God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm both gender and math confused
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
