I hate your face
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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