then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm jealous of your bromance
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I looked at my own cervix.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
