You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
