btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
