and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
