apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
