The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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