I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
