Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
