did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
