Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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