Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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