you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
