that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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