do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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