Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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