Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
