All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
