Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
