You're completely useless in the revolution.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
