Michael Bay diarrhea
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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