I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Green mimosas i think yes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
