its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
