dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
