I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize