We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
