she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
