I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
