his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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