Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
