just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
All the doctor said was why
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
