I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
