I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
