I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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