so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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