Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
