Define "chronic" masturbator.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
