Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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