I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
