You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
