It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
