I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
