And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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