I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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