the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize