Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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