Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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