i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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