I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize