i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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