sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
