I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
