oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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