I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Randomize
