dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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