If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
