Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
