And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize