I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
