I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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