The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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