I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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