the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
