just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
