Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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