Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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