she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
sex in a hospital.. check
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
