I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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