your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
